My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
