so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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