let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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