Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
