dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
