I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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