just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
