I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
