You really coming over, don't trick.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
