I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
