this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
