I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize