i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
