i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
