i just had sex bonerless
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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