I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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