Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
