STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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