He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
