remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize