So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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