I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
