could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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