I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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