I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He passed out mid-signature
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize