Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
