At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
