white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
