I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
