Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
