After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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