he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
