Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Say something about gay babies.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
