Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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