I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
