For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
