somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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