And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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