Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
