did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
