She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
