My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
