i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
