Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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