her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
