You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
