you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
