Sry I called you an 8
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
