she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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