pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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