I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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