Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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