They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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