Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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