She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
