do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
