I'm gonna have a badass scar
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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