dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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