The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
