i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm like, not good at living.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
