I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
