If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
