i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
