Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
