I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
