I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
