u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
