you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
