do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
