was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
