Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
