You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
