Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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