I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
