omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
