Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
