So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
